“Make the choice that is best for you and your family”. That was the advice that almost everyone gave me when I was wavering about Philly.

Given my husband’s reluctance in the first place and everyone battling sickness at home, that should make my choice to cancel Philly easy. Right?

Except …

The friend that I was going to stay in Philly with, she is part family.
The buddy I was going to pace slow and steady for the first 10 miles, he is part family.
The coaches who helped me plan out the transition from Chicago to Philly, they are part family.
The people who gave me pep talks to make it out there, they are part family.
The friends who believed in me and talked me off the ledge, they are part family.

I don’t want to disappoint any of my family.

I’m sorry.

I don’t have it in me to do Philly, even the half. I could not, in all honesty, fly out for a half that I haven’t trained for just for the sake of doing ‘another one’. Being sick in Chicago, and then again 2 weeks after apparently recovering has taken it all out of me. Everytime I step out for a run, I am shorted after 3 minutes with coughs hacking out my lungs. Mentally I am willing to push my body, but physically it is refusing to go any more right now.

My heart breaks as I realize that this is the only option.

I will never ‘be at peace’ with this decision that I did not make myself but was made for me.
But I convince myself by knowing that I have my goals for the next year and beyond planned out. And I know that this is not the end of the road.