Life with a teenager – saying NO just because I asked her to do something
“I hate you. You are the meanest person I know. “
I must’ve heard this about a thousand times over the long weekend.
My teenager is at an age where anything I suggest is a big NO. She went from loving cross country running to saying that she hated all types of running. She went from looking forward to karate to saying how it was dumb and wouldn’t help her at all. She went from wanting to be a singer to not working on her music ever at all.
I DO NOT push my kids at all. On the contrary, I let them choose what they want to do outside of school and how much effort to put in it; which explains why the 13yo has tried out and quit a ton of activities. The only two I’ve insisted on is – swimming as a life skill not a sport (which she learnt long back) and some form of self defense (hence Karate classes 1-2 times/week). It breaks my heart to see her not use her amazing gift of voice, but hopefully one day she will realize how much joy she could have and bring to others with it.
During a particularly whiny session of how I was “making” her do stuff that she “hates”, I told her that she probably hates those things because I recommended them. And if I were to ask her to practice soccer (her latest and long lasting love, she declares), she would soon give up on it just because I supported her to practice.
Telling her exactly that was apparently a big trigger point.
The entirety of the long weekend was spent in locking herself in her room, refusing to talk to my parents, sulking and mouthing off.
Oy Vey!!
I wish I could effectively tell her –
I love her. Period. No matter how sulky she is, but it makes it very hard to LIKE her at times.
She is a strong and determined girl, a complete turnaround from the mouse she was a few years ago. I could not be more proud, even if she doesn’t seem to think I am.
Keep the people who truly love you close and don’t push them away.
It is hard to tell someone of what you are feeling. Even grownups struggle with it. But being mouthy to someone who cares for you isn’t going to help either.
If we need to work on communicating our feelings, then we can learn that without playing the blame game.
Universe – grant me patience and love as I deal with teen years from my kid who was one of the sweetest and easiest going kid! I suppose I should’ve known that it wouldn’t have been easy forever.
This too shall pass …
This too shall pass …
This too shall pass …
